Personal & Work

‘Naughty naughty’ – Get a detention at school

“Leave the keys you little s***!” – Move out of your parents house

Have a birthday in a foreign country

“I don’t remember any of it!” – Go on your first holiday with friends

“You’re not coming in wearing THOSE!” – Go to your first nightclub

‘Give us all your money!’ – Open your first bank account

‘Right, eBay for you then!’ – Buy something expensive and immediately regret it

“Yeah, I give lots to charity!” – Give something to a charity shop

“That’s not how you spell count!!” – Get a tattoo

“I’m sorry, is it 1975?” – Sport a moustache

“Crap… Only got notes!” – Give money to a busker (Street Performer)

“What’s going on ‘ere then?” – Get stopped by the police

“Well, you just look dodgy!” – Have your bags searched at an airport

“I’ve almost pulled it off so need to do something else!” – Take up a hobby

Plant your first flower

Change a tyre on a car

‘How many…’ – Change a lightbulb

“I mean, what is the bloody point of you?” – Get stung by a wasp

“Definitely prefer them to humans!” – Own a dog!

“Morning… Morning… Morning!” – Own your first fish tank

‘Just adorable’! – Sponsor a guide dog for the blind

“I have to do all this BEFORE I go to school!” – Have a paper round

‘Be like Gareth Keenan… You wish!’ – Be in the reserve forces

“Sorry but your child is just a wrong ‘un!” – Get more than 10 detentions in one year!

Swat-tastic – Get an ‘A’ on any test!

“Who was he sat behind?” – Get an ‘A’ on a test and it be such a shock to your parents they just assume you cheated… And are still happy!

Do a ‘Rimmer’ – Actually try to cheat on a test and get caught

Jammy get – Cheat on a test and get away with it!

“Yeah but you are the teacher soooooo…!” – Get 100% correct on a test!

‘Wedgy’! – Be the smartest person in a class

“Well, you can always join the Royal Marines!” – Be the dumbest person in a class

Be in an after school club

‘Just because you were born in one’ – Break a test tube in Chemistry class

DENSER more like! – Be a member of MENSA

Can I talk to animals now? No, it’s just to deaf people! – Learn to sign!

“Hello… Have an apple!” – Introduce yourself to ALL your professors

“Aww, crap… I’ve DEFINITELY been in this building before!” – Go inside every building on your campus!

“Ummmmmm, what time’s lunch?” – Ask an important question during a lecture

“This should ‘bump’ me up to a C+!” – Wear a suit and tie to one of your classes

‘This is costing me a fortune in apples’! – Get an ‘A’ in all your classes in one semester

Who are YOU sitting behind – Don’t fail a test for a whole semester

Is ‘eating’ one of your classes or something? – Eat at all the dining halls on your campus!

Real classy – Lose your backpack and have to carry you stuff around in a plastic bag!

“GO THE SLUGS!” – Go to your first school/college sporting event

“You’re my best friend now… ok ok, ONLY friend!” – Make a new friend in one of your classes

“Mum… What’s a ‘Bell-End’?” – Ride a scooter to class

“I’ve had enough of this already!” – Spend your first FULL day on campus

You must have better things to do, no? – Don’t miss or even be late for a single class in a semester

Make your bloody mind up! – Go to at least 5 different bars in one night in your college town

But that’s most of my wages! – Pay rent for the first time in your life

So NOW I can talk to myself without people calling the hospital – Move into a place on your own.

Buy your first home

Big, bigger, bigger still, juuuuust a bit bigger – ‘Trade up’ your home 4 times!

Just waiting for your parents to die huh – Still living at home after the age of 30!

Money Pit – Renovate a home

“Wood, a hammer and a dozen nails… That should do it!” – Build your own home

Design your own home

Spend time homeless/on the street

Sleep on a friend’s couch for longer than you should… More than a week!

Live in a house with more than 6 friends sharing

Live in Student Accommodation

Live in Military accommodation

Live in Nursing accommodation

Stay in 3 different hotels in one week

Stay in 25 different hotels in a single year

Stay in a Youth Hostel

Steal a bathrobe from a nice hotel

Sleep in a treehouse

Sleep in a car

Sleep at a bus station

Sleep at a train station

Sleep at an airport

‘Eat your knees’ – Manage to sleep in an Economy Seat on a plane!

Have the same birthday as a friend

DeVito & Schwarzenegger – Be a twin!

Have the same birthday as a sibling BUT be different ages!

Fiji to Hawaii ’72 – Have two birthday’s in one year

Go to a Summer Camp

‘I’m special!’ – Go to a specialist Summer Camp!

Have a sleepover at a friends house

Go on holiday on your own!

Life of Reilly – Go on holiday for more than a month!

Spend more than (£/$) 5,000 per person on a single holiday

Go on holiday as a couple and come home single!

Go on holiday single and come home in a relationship!

Meet your future husband/wife on holiday!

“Meh!” – Visit somewhere supposed to be ‘spectacular’ and not be impressed

Go to your first English Pub

Go to your fist Bar

Stay in a club so long when you leave the sun has come up (Doesn’t count in the summer in Norway!)

Bristol in the 80’s – Leave a club with no money left for a Taxi home

This keeps happening – Go to a club with friends and ‘lose them’ so you end up leaving alone.

Go clubbing and see someone famous on the dance floor!

“Yeah, we’re best mates!” – Go clubbing with someone famous

‘Price of a cup of tea Gov?’ – Be ‘piss broke’ (you gotta ne over 20 years old) and have less than (£/$’s) 20 to your name!

‘Oooops, we lost it’! – Open a savings account

‘This time next year Rodney’ – Have (£/$)1,000 in your account for the first time!

“Lamborgahinararri’s all round!’ – Make your first Million (£/$)

Lose a Million (£/$)

“Where’d it all go?” – File for bankruptcy!

“I’VE LOST CONTROL!” – Go out to buy one thing and come back with 10 things!

‘Oh, that’s expensive’ – Buy something where you have to use several credit cards to pay for it!

“AAAAAAAARGH the internet must be down!” – Go one WHOLE month without buying anything online!

‘Impossible’ – Find something electronic on Amazon that ISN’T made in China

‘That’s not how you spell Aaple’ – Buy something online that turns out to be counterfeit!

Go out wearing at least one item of clothing that cost more than £1,000

Buy a hat. Wear it once. Realise it makes you look like a Charlie Uniform November Tango and never wear it again

Wear something from a designer who you can’t pronounce the name of

Have an item of clothing for more than 10 years that you’ve never worn

Buy something from a charity shop

Have a pair of shoes for more than 20 years

“But you can’t even swim!” – Own your first Rolex Oyster watch!

‘You don’t spell ‘Rolex’ with two r’s!!’ – Buy a fake Rolex and successfully pass it off as real!

‘Definition of a cretin’ – Buy so many ‘fake’ watches that you could have bought one nice ‘real’ one with all the money you spent

Receive a diamond ring that looks great but you later find out it’s not a real diamond!

Own (or have owned) a bottle of Donna Karen ‘Fuel for Men’ from the 90’s

‘The ECKL’! – Buy some Martin Logan Electrostatic speakers that are taller than your wife!

Buy some Mark Levinson components

‘All that money an it’ll be obsolete in 20 minutes! – Buy your first computer

‘What the hell is a serial bus… Do I get on it or eat it for breakfast’? – Build your first computer

BOOM BOOM BOOM – Have a computer setup with 3 screens!!

‘NEVER!!!’ – Be a lifelong addict to either Apple computers or Windows and then SWITCH

Heathen! – Use an iPhone for more than 5 years and then switch to Android!

“I have seen the light” – Use an Android phone for more than 5 years and then switch to Apple!

Set up your first modem/router

The three laws of computing… BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP – Have a computer ‘melt’ on you and lose everything!

I should have charged! – Fix someone else’s computer and then become ‘customer support’ forever!

Spend money in them all!

Visit 3 or more of them

“Of course it’ll look good!” – Get a tattoo recommended by a friend

‘The Otter’ – Have a nickname and get a tattoo that resembles that nickname!

“It looks blurred!” – Get a tattoo when you’re so drunk you really shouldn’t be getting a tattoo!

Have a tattoo of a pet’s name

Have a tattoo of a girlfriend or boyfriend’s name

‘We fear change’ – Have an existing tattoo changed or covered up with something else

‘TA DAAAAH’ – Have a tattoo removed

“Can you help me please” – Get a piercing caught on something

‘Lloyd Christmas’ – Cut your own hair

“Did your mum cut your hair?” – Have your hair cut by your mum!

Yaaaaay… No need for shampoo any more! – Shave your head BALD!

No more hats for YOU! – Have a Mohican!

Grow a full beard

Sport a goatee

Have more hair on your chin than on your head!

“Honest, I’m a cyclist!” – Shave your legs

“It tickles!” – Have a pedicure with Garra rufa fish!

Get picked up by an Ambulance

Take a trip to the A&E

Have to stay in hospital for more than 5 days

Be in an ICU!

Recover from a potentially fatal disease

Have a doctor say ‘We’ve got no idea!!

‘Head, shoulders, knees & toes’ – Break more than 3 bones at the same time

Get knocked out!

Lose a tooth in an accident

Give money to someone homeless

Have your picture drawn by a street artist

Eat food on the street and then regret it a few minutes round the corner!

Eat street food in a foreign country

Buy an item of clothing on the street that falls apart after the first time you wear it

See a friend you haven’t seen for more than 10 years!

See someone you DON’T want to bump into

See one of ALL of them!

Have the Police bang on your door!

Get cautioned by the Police

Spend a night in a Police cell

Be ‘interviewed’ by Police

Be ‘Charged’ with something by the Police

Be ‘Charged with something by the Police and then have the ‘charges’ dropped!

Need to get advice from a lawyer about your case!

Have your charges read out in a Court of Law

Build a case for your defence!

Be ‘on trial’!

Be acquitted in a Court of Law

Be found ‘Guilty’ in a Court of Law

Do some ‘Porridge’ – Go to prison

‘Banged up Abroad’ – Do time in a foreign country

Get deported from a foreign country

Be stopped at an airport by Immigration control

Be stopped at a boarder by border control

Be stopped at an airport by Customs

Be denied boarding an plane at an airport

Be denied entry to a country and sent back from whence you came!

Plant a seed

Successfully grow a vegetable

Cook one of your own grown vegetables

Lay a new lawn

Build a stone feature

Have a water feature

Build a shed

Trim the branches off a tree

Cut a tree down

Dig a pond

Do some DIY topiary

Have 2 or more hobbies at the same time

Sell something you’ve made

Commission someone to make something ‘custom’ for you!

Fly a Kite

Spend more than 10 hours a week doing your hobby

Turn your hobby into a profession

Make a new friend through your hobby

Have a collection of something with more than 20 items in that collection

Go birdwatching

See a bird you’ve been looking for after 6 months of looking

Have a ‘pen pal’ from a different country

Have a ‘pen pan’ who’s in prison

Awwwwwww – Have your first pet

You little… – Have a cat, buy it lots of toys and see it just stare at them then walk away!

Have more than 3 pets at the same time

Live in a small apartment with 2 fat cats that take up more room than you do!

Buy the most expensive cat food and have your cat just look at the bowl, look up at you and then walk away!

Have your pet give birth

Have a litter of cats/dogs to look after!

Give money to an animal charity

Find an animal on the streets and take it to a vet/animal shelter

Find an animal on the street and adopt it

Have more than 3 different kinds of pets in your lifetime

Go to your first zoo/petting zoo

Visit a Safari Park

See an endangered species in the wild (Not in a zoo or park)

RUN FOREST RUUUUUUUUN – Get chased by something that could really hurt you!

Get stung so bad you end up in hospital

Lose a finger to an animal

Win a fish at a fairground

Have a fish tank with more than 5 fish in it

Have a fresh water tank

Have a salt water tank

Have some Koi Carp

More than 3 of them

Paint a room

Paint an item of furniture

Paint an outside wall

Paint a whole apartment/house

Put up some wallpaper

Build some ‘flat pack’ furniture

Put up a picture

Put up a shelf

Change a plug

Do something that you really didn’t think you would be able to do!

Hang something on a wall that you thought was too heavy

Reupholster something yourself

Build your own bookshelf

Build a fire pit / BBQ

“I’m Ed China!” – Do all of the tasks above

Write a CV (Résumé)

“So, I only have to do this for another 55 years yeah!!” – Get your fist job

“Gone in 60 seconds!” – Get your first Paycheck

‘The best of the best’ – Interview for a job and beat other candidates to get it!

‘The worst of the worst’ – Get fired from a job

‘Late again!!’ – Have 3 different jobs in one year

‘Lunch is on me’ – Feel guilty about the amount of free food you give away to your friends while working at a restaurant/sandwich shop

‘Groveller’ – Be employee of the month

‘Kiss many butts’ – Get promoted more than 3 times within the same company!

‘Giddy heights’ – Start in ‘the mail room’ and end up as a manager

“Oh, you must have seen my twin!” – Work in a job you desperately don’t want any of your friends to see you in

‘How hard can it be?’ – Start your own business

‘Soooooo, 16 hours a day not enough huh’! – Have a business you started fail

Have a new business idea. Do nothing about it and then watch as someone else does it and makes a mint!

‘Loose lips sink ships’ – Have a business idea stolen by someone you told about it

“I can’t lose!” – Invest in a business and lose all your money

“Weeeeeeeeee’re RICH!” – Invest in a business and make a decent ROI (at least double)

‘Money for nothing’ – Invest in some stocks

Lose half your money on your share portfolio

Double your money on your share portfolio

Sir, yes Sir! – Have a family member in the Military

NO NO NO NO – Have your parents try to talk you out of joining the military

Be in 2 or more of the different Military Services

Fail all your exams and you can do this as a career – Be a military cadet

Be a ‘section commander’ in training

Ol’ eagle eye – Attain a ‘Marksmanship’ award

The ‘Si Ashenden’ – OK… Get your green lid in the RMR / Get your green lid again in the regulars / Do a corps commission and get a green lid a third time / Do your SC3’s / Do your SC1’s / Have a day off!

Get a Campaign medal

Win a military medal

Have so many ‘gongs’ you lean to the left when you march!

Be in a combat zone

Have ‘incoming fire’!

“How long before my health meter goes back to 100%?” – Get shot/wounded in battle

‘Nah, James Bond couldn’t do this’! – Fly to the north sea in a Hercules… Parachute out into the water… Swim to an oil rig… climb up the leg of the oil rig to kill terrorists!

“Papers please!” – Be in the Coast Guard